Fatherhood

I am so tired of the gloom. In Arizona we are still pelted about the recent shooting in Tucson. Every news source is pointing to a falling "quality of life" or liberty. I needed to take some time to reflect, and to be honest shed a tear. Not for one specific cause or another, but just to release. Well the introspective caused a revelation, that revelation from my sons. I only know life through my perspective. (I guess knew would be a better word, but we'll get to that.) I am one of the few people I know that made a conscious choice to be a husband and a father. This was a decision that took me a few years to be sure of. Recently I have had the good fortune of that choice. First the ugly, then the bad, and finally the good.
The Ugly:
- Some know, as I have mentioned it before, I was in the construction business for many years. As it declined in Arizona, so did all of my income. There went the lifestyle and the house.
- Recently my wife was diagnosed with a "We don't think it is cancer" and underwent some massive surgery only to find they still don't "think" it is cancer. They next surgery should provide proof positive one way or the other.

To some the above is not "Ugly" but, simply situational. But as I said it is based on my perspective.

The Bad:
-My wife had to return to regular work after being a Mom for 9 years.
-Work, when available, eats up valuable time with my family that I deeply cherish and miss.
-Work, when available, tends to suck.
Once again, not very "Bad" at least there is work.

The Good:
-Most o the "Bad" column can be called "life."
-Even a bad day looks bright as your first born walks into the room and for no reason holds you hand, looks you in the eyes and says "I love you dad."

This may not be "good" for everyone, but... I now get to see life through not only my perspective, but that of my children. If even only a glimpse, I treasure it.
I have had to swallow pride in recent times and ask family for loans, some under the pretense that I may not be able to repay, and have been blessed by the family I have to have made it this far. I find it strange that sitting in a room over 15 years ago trying to decide "if" I should/could be a husband and father has given me so much everyday since then. The family that I was born into, married into and created is a family like I could not have dreamed.
I am a husband and father first...
Jason
P.S.- This is meant solely as a reminder that life is what we make of it, and sometimes we make it good. Find the good in life, find the good in man. Hold onto this, for there is a rough trail ahead.

Are You Honest?

"As a warning, the following post was written in complete desperation. I have recently learned some very sobering truths from people that I love dearly. These truths have set in motion a quest within me to do whatever I can to make a change. Today is not geared at funny. Today is geared at something greater. Read it to the very end. I promise you will be affected in a way you have always needed to be. I spent more than twelve hours writing this post because its message is that important to me.
......
"Perfection" is a wife...
"Perfection" is a husband...
"Perfection" is a couple... (a boy, a girl etc...)

Be real.

Be bold about your weaknesses and you will change people's lives. Be honest about who you actually are, and others will begin to be their actual selves around you."


The excerpts above, coupled with losing a very good friend, fearing the loss of my wife under a surgeons knife etc have changed my life. Normally I try to stay on topic, and to a bit this is. Everyday I try to be a better man, for my wife, my children and myself. Most days I fail in one sense or another, I am slowly coming to terms with that. THIS helps, and you should read it, ALL OF IT. Read the comments, comment yourself and read the follow up HERE
I am a broken man, I have been unkind to my wife and unfair to my children. I have done this in "their" name. Believing the ends justify the means. I live with this knowing I am learning, making corrections and becoming the man I need to be. Pass the original post far and wide, look in the mirror. If you do not fix yourself, you can fix nothing.

Have fun, stay safe...
Jason

12 Years and Counting

12 years ago today, my wife and I joined into a llifetime contract.

"I, take you to be my wife, to have and behold from this day on, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; until death do us part."

I hold true to that word and feeling today, thank you for my beautiful children and my wonderful life. You are my love and my life.

Jason

9 Years Ago

Early in the morning 9 years ago today, I discovered what real "hope and change" was all about. November 24, 1999 I became a father for the first time. In today's world I have found it as important as any to teach my kids about the out doors. For today's celebration I wanted to give my son his first step to feeding his future. A Rossi 22/20 gauge combo.

Like any kid, the first thing he wanted to do was use it. First we had our discussion about the primary differences between this and the Red Ryder he has had for years. We than had our review of the four rules. Now it was "off to the races" as they say.

While they didn't all hit, it was a GREAT DAY. The excitement he showed at the first "ping" was palpable in my throat. I could not be happier or more proud of my sons. A nice escape from the daily grind.
Jason
III

Liberty?

The other day I had a moment with my son. Most today think that only the educated, politicians of our day under stand the "founding." Yet in the innocence of a 9 year old boy, Liberty was the ONLY thing he could comprehend. Freedom to breathe, freedom to choose, freedom to strike a deal based upon His will, not law. I hope I do not fail him and his brother, in leaving them with a place this is true. At least more true than the day I entered this world. They will be riflemen at a young age, may they never need to use that skill. They will be taught some lessons of Jefferson, Locke, Blackstone, King and others, may that knowledge never be tested. They will be shown that Liberty in any amount is worth fighting for, may they never have to fight for it.

"That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness." -The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America

Jason

III

Revolution?

Due to recent events and discussions a serious thought has occurred to me, a moral and philosophical dilemma if you will. If a pending revolt were to happen, we, or more specifically I, have some unintended consequences to think about. Today even more than in our first Revolution, or the War Between the States, the battles would be brought "home." Being a single income household I have not my life and livelihood, but that of my family to put first. This is an institution I entered into willingly and freely, I love my wife and children with more than any words written or spoke can say. It was and is a choice I would not change, and in fact cannot see a life without making it. That being the case, here is my dilemma. A revolt that is "open and grand" or one that is "guerilla and quick" presents me with the choice between my commitment to my family, and my commitment to my principles. A fight between any citizens and their government, a "revolution" by definition, would bring the horrors of war to the faces and forefront of my children. Is my vanity in "what's right is right" justification for brining the spoils to my family's life? My wife knows who I am and daily chooses to stay with me, sometimes which alone must be a miracle. But my children, they did not ask nor would they openly share my political or theoretical beliefs. At what point does "father knows best" hit the fan. As a child I questioned my father frequently, this continues to this day, so the aforementioned does not pass the muster. But what of my aspirations, dreams and intimate desire to provide not just my children, but my fellow citizens and their families with the America that is deserved to be.
Do I believe in the Constitution of the United States under "original intent"?
Absolutely.
Do I believe in the abolishment of large federal institutions, and a return to "states rights"?
Affirmative.
Do I believe that in order for evil (tyranny) to prevail, it only require that good men do nothing?
With all of my heart.
Can one man/woman make a difference?
I believe they can change the world, for better or worse.
At what point can I no longer allow the chains of despotism to close around the necks of my family?
This is the question I put to you, for I have no answer. As an individual this is a simple question, but as a "patriot" you must take the welfare of the community under your advisement. Is it in "their" best interest that "I" feel oppressed? Thomas Jefferson once said "That a man owes no duty to which he is not urged by some impulsive feeling... is correct, if referred to the standard of general feeling in the given case, and not to the feeling of a single individual." -- to Thomas Law, 1814.
In recent times my belief is that individuals can and should govern themselves, without authoritative control, but rather simply guidance through accord within a union, is the only true moral path we should pursue. I ask you, whoever you may be, for guidance. I do not speak to the "Creator" as others claim to. At what point do my principals become those of my families? Should I possibly regret an action, or continually regret inaction? If an individual can stimulate change through non violent measures, am I that man? Am I up to the task? I am aware of the lunacy in asking strangers to judge my self doubt, but it is the only way to judge the message. Ask the question and hopefully be surprised at the answers.
"The Revolution was effected before the War commenced. The Revolution was in the minds and hearts of the people; a change in their religious sentiments of their duties and obligations ... This radical change in the principles, opinions, sentiments, and affections of the people, was the real American Revolution."- John Adams.
Thanks,
Jason