Fatherhood

I am so tired of the gloom. In Arizona we are still pelted about the recent shooting in Tucson. Every news source is pointing to a falling "quality of life" or liberty. I needed to take some time to reflect, and to be honest shed a tear. Not for one specific cause or another, but just to release. Well the introspective caused a revelation, that revelation from my sons. I only know life through my perspective. (I guess knew would be a better word, but we'll get to that.) I am one of the few people I know that made a conscious choice to be a husband and a father. This was a decision that took me a few years to be sure of. Recently I have had the good fortune of that choice. First the ugly, then the bad, and finally the good.
The Ugly:
- Some know, as I have mentioned it before, I was in the construction business for many years. As it declined in Arizona, so did all of my income. There went the lifestyle and the house.
- Recently my wife was diagnosed with a "We don't think it is cancer" and underwent some massive surgery only to find they still don't "think" it is cancer. They next surgery should provide proof positive one way or the other.

To some the above is not "Ugly" but, simply situational. But as I said it is based on my perspective.

The Bad:
-My wife had to return to regular work after being a Mom for 9 years.
-Work, when available, eats up valuable time with my family that I deeply cherish and miss.
-Work, when available, tends to suck.
Once again, not very "Bad" at least there is work.

The Good:
-Most o the "Bad" column can be called "life."
-Even a bad day looks bright as your first born walks into the room and for no reason holds you hand, looks you in the eyes and says "I love you dad."

This may not be "good" for everyone, but... I now get to see life through not only my perspective, but that of my children. If even only a glimpse, I treasure it.
I have had to swallow pride in recent times and ask family for loans, some under the pretense that I may not be able to repay, and have been blessed by the family I have to have made it this far. I find it strange that sitting in a room over 15 years ago trying to decide "if" I should/could be a husband and father has given me so much everyday since then. The family that I was born into, married into and created is a family like I could not have dreamed.
I am a husband and father first...
Jason
P.S.- This is meant solely as a reminder that life is what we make of it, and sometimes we make it good. Find the good in life, find the good in man. Hold onto this, for there is a rough trail ahead.